He Taught Me the Way How We Respect Our Life, Our Nature

It was the beginning of August, 2005. Everyone, including me, faced the new things in senior high school as the new freshmen. My friends were happy to choose the extracurricular activities at school. In the opposite, I did not. Suddenly, someone came to me when I was in my silence and confusion. He offered me to join in Pecinta Alam (the extracurricular activity for students who care about the nature). At that time, actually I was not really interested in those activities, especially Pecinta Alam but because it became a duty for students so indirectly I was forced to say ‘yes’ to the someone offered me. It was not only a new thing I faced but also the new beginning of my life that I lost very suddenly.

That man who offered me to join in Pecinta Alam was one of the senior students in my school. He was Herdias Raffy. I did not know what I have to do as the member of this community. Dias, such was I called him, helped me to understand the important things of being the member of Pecinta Alam. He said that, one of the positive things of being the member of Pecinta Alam was that I can be one with it.

In the first our journey to the Kerinci Mountain, in Jambi, Sumatera, Dias was really able to invite me to his real world. He trained me how to control my mind and my feeling to face the mountain height. Besides that, he also explained me every part of the mountain, such us the flora and fauna which were alive there, the springs which empties into a river, and also the empty and infertile of land which needed to be reforest. During our journey, we also tried to clean the mountain by taking the trash around it. It would help the conservation for the mountain. He made me more interest to the nature during this journey.

Then, my relation with Dias became closer. It was because we often met in the weekly meeting for the Pecinta Alam members. Here, we discussed many things. Sometimes, he had a verbal dispute with the other members in deciding which mountain we will climb. From that, I could see that Dias was really serious in leading his junior. He would not take any risks for the other members’ safety. He was really responsible man.

In our next journey to the Salak Mountain, Bogor, Dias made me relax. He trained me how to enjoy taking a breath on the top of this mountain. He said that I have to take it deeper than usual. I also had to combine my feeling when taking a breath. Then, I got the meaning of why he trained me that way. It invited my feeling and my mind to become one with the God and nature. Besides that, Dias also taught me how to drink the evanescent from the leaves in the morning. I could feel that. It was very natural and fresh.

“Love the nature like you love yourself” Dias said. Dias was really good in training me on that.

After some journeys we did to the mountains in Indonesia, Dias introduced me to his other world. He was an explorer. There was one time when he invited me to the Way Kambas, Lampung (a place to train Indonesian elephants) to join with him. Here, he explained me how very valuable the Way Kambas is for the living of elephants. In another time, Dias also offered me to go to the Kuta Reef, Bali. He taught me surfing. It was unbelievable. I did not know why, it seemed like all of these activities were my connector to Dias. I had learned so much new things from him, but now I thought that I ask him for the other thing, love.

I did not know it is fair or not to ask love from him because he had already given many things to me. I wanted to respond his kindness by loving him. Unfortunately, he seemed like he refuses my feeling to him. Strangely, he never went far since he knew that I love him. He was just usual, but I could not accept that. I really hoped a clear relation between him and me. There was no sign from him. I am tortured by his treatment to me. He refused me, but he never avoided my existence.

In our next journey to the Rinjani Mountain, Lombok, I did not see my beloved Dias as I knew during this time. He seemed calmer than usual. He did not make a lot of conversation with me. I worried about him. I always saw every part of him during this journey. I did not know why, but at that time I was really afraid of loosing him although he was still in front of my eyes. The weather was not good at the time. We did not get the top of the mountain yet, but it started to be raining.

My sight was never in the other place except him. He did not pay attention to me, even he did not come to me to help me to wear the raincoat, but I knew that his eyes were always to me. His face was pale white, but he was still as strong as I know. The weather was getting worst. The land was icy cold, and the trees were toppled cutting off our way. We had to cross the pathway which is toppled by the trees. Some of the girl students were afraid of this condition. They started to be panic.

The worst thing happened since a girl student slipped and fell on the side of ravine. Dias who walked behind this girl student spontaneous shocked. There were no other people except them across the pathway. It was difficult to go back to there because of this wild condition. I worried about him. I wanted to go back but the others did not permit me. It was too dangerous. I started to be angry, how come we just stayed here while my beloved Dias was in a dangerous. My sight to him was cut off by the toppled trees. Finally, the two of the main leaders, who was also Dias’s close friend decided to go back and help Dias and that girl student.

It was too long to not see Dias. The other students and I tried to ask help by reporting our position to the SAR (a rescue team) using our hand phone. Unfortunately, there was no signal in this dangerous condition. It was raining cats and dogs. I worried about him, really. I wanted to see his face, but it was still impossible. The SAR came late when the two main leaders succeeded bringing the girl student and Dias. I was shocked when I saw Dias’s body showed no signs of life. His face was more pale white than before.

The SAR brought Dias to me. Both of us met in tend the other students and I had made during the wild raining. I saw him, clearly. He looked coldness. I put out my blanket from my bag and covered him with it. He saw me deeper than usual.

“I don’t avoid you” he reluctantly said.

I did not know how come he said like that in this situation. I was just afraid of his bad condition.

            “I don’t avoid you. I don’t even avoid your love.”

I wanted to stop him talking, but it was difficult avoiding his voice.

            “I just avoid your sadness of being with me” his voice was almost unclear.

I still could not understand how come he discussed this problem here. I also did not know why my tears were going down smoothly through my cheeks. Suddenly, he touched my cheek and wiped the tears.

            “Something that you have to know is that I am happy that you are the only one who wants to accompany the rest of my life” he said more smoothly than before.

My tears were going down fastly. I really wanted to shut him out, but I could not avoid that I am happy hearing his words. Besides that, I did not understand why he mentioned ‘the rest of my life’. I just could keep silent while hearing his voice.

            “I love you.”

That sentence was the clearest one and also the last one I heard from him. I did not realize that he was not with me anymore. He just left me and went to the most beautiful place besides the God. One month later, one of his close friends and also the main leaders in Pecinta Alam came to me. He invited me to make some conversation, about my love, Dias. I said that I do not want to open the hole of my heart anymore, but he forced me because I have to know the real reason why Dias did that way to me.

“He really loves you, until now” said Dias’s friend.

I was really sad when I heard his story about Dias. Dias, the man whom I knew as the strongest man was the opposite actually. He was the most tenuous man. He got the lung cancer, but he did not want me to know about that. He behaved like a healthy man. He was very enthusiastic in facing anything in front of him, even though it is an obstacle of his life. His friend said that he could not continue his life without my existence and support. It was because I am the only one who can accept his fantastic and wild hobby, and also because I wanted accompany him everywhere he was.

Dias, I always remember his name. I never knew before that I could know him, even having a very valuable relationship with this amazing man. He taught me about how valuable our life is. He also told me how very lucky we are if we could keep and protect the conservation of the nature. We are alive together with the nature, how come we can cause the damage to the nature. Since that time, I always consider Dias as the nature. He brought peacefulness to me, so that is why I always try to continue his wild and fantastic hobby in order I can still protect the conservation of the nature. For me, loving the nature is not like loving myself. I love it because Dias had taught me the way how to respect our own life, our nature.